I get it. People are just trying to make us feel better and it's always hard to come up with the right thing to say in a situation where someone has lost someone (or something) close to them. But I'll tell ya what's not a really comforting exchange:
Person: How old was your dog?
Me: He was around 11.
Person: Well, that's pretty old for such a large dog.
WTF people? And this seems to be the more common of the comments we are getting. Imagine the human equivalent of that discussion:
Person 1: How old was your Dad?
Person 2: He was 80.
Person 1: Well, that's pretty good given the shorter life expectancy of males these days.
Just stick to the basics. Don't try to make me feel better by pointing out that he was old and big and was on borrowed time (apparently). Between this and the frequently asked, "So was this an accident?" question when we told people we were pregnant, I am becoming more and more convinced that people very rarely think before they speak.
i think in this case there is a big differenece between what people are trying to say and how it comes across.
ReplyDeletei think(hope) what they're trying to say is, "he lived a full life", which is something that people do actually say about humans after they've passed.
if they're not trying to say that then they can just suck it.
Right, and that would be a perfectly reasonable follow-up comment when I tell them how old he was. I get what they are trying to say, I just wanted to point this out lest anyone find themself saying this and not realize that it's a little off the mark.
ReplyDeleteAnother really strange thing people used to say to me quite frequently is "you don't understand; you don't have kids". I would stray away from making that statement to just about anyone, as you don't know their situation as to why they don't have kids. The statement itself is usually intended to be harmless, but if the person can't have kids, or you don't know them and they lost a child or something, then it's a pretty bad thing to say. Just a public service message.
Oh, I'm not surprised at all. And just so you know, people are just as stupid when it comes to humans dying. About 10 years ago, the elderly mother of my mom's good friend died. When she was talking to an acquaintance about making the drive to Chicago for the funeral, the woman said, "No, we're not going. I mean, it's not like this was a surprise." Nice. Yeah, if the person/dog/whatever is old, apparently you're not supposed to mourn.
ReplyDeleteDebbie, thank you for confirming that people are idiots. Though I should add that there has been a wonderful outpouring of support and B has received huge props for being the awesome dog he was, so I am sure he is trotting around with his head and tail held high and expecting lots of treats in doggie heaven for a job well done.
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