On Squirrels and Homeless People

Squirrels are the crazy homeless people of the animal kingdom. I would like to add that I have nothing against homeless people. I am sympathetic to their plight and it is terrifying that because of some twist in your life, that you could lose everything. Some of them are perfectly delightful. We had a homeless person that was living below our townhouse in Charleston. We wouldn't have ever even suspected they were there, had we not stumbled across some rolled up newspapers, clothes, and empty bottles of Mad Dog. They were very quiet and kept reasonable hours. Truth be told, were it not for the lack of permission, failure to chip in towards rent, and unwillingness to share their booze, they were the perfect 5th roommate.

But then there are the crazy/aggressive homeless people. The ones that live outside Dunkin Donuts in Chicago and yell at you and demand you give them your change or buy them a bagel. Nothing will stop them from their squatting in that location, no matter how much you wave them away, ignore them, or discourage them from setting up shop, they will come back, because they know a good thing when they see it. You are on their streets. They are entitled. Our squirrels are those homeless people.

This is MY house, fat lady. Noticed you packed on a few lately. How 'bout taking a walk around the block and bringing me back a zagnut?

They are in a beautiful setting, found a house with some sagging siding where they can wriggle their way in and munch on the walls at 4:30 in the morning. I guess I cannot say I blame them for setting up shop and not wanting to leave. And much like the issue of homelessness, I can't find anyone with a viable solution to the squirrel problem. Perhaps I will hire a crazy homeless person to fight my squirrels. That would be an epic battle for sure, like Alien vs. Predator.

These are the ramblings of a woman that is currently restless and 5 days away from her due date. I am hungry and sleep deprived (though not for any of the reasons pregnant people are sleep deprived). Thankfully Dunkin Donuts is open.