On Squirrels and Homeless People

Squirrels are the crazy homeless people of the animal kingdom. I would like to add that I have nothing against homeless people. I am sympathetic to their plight and it is terrifying that because of some twist in your life, that you could lose everything. Some of them are perfectly delightful. We had a homeless person that was living below our townhouse in Charleston. We wouldn't have ever even suspected they were there, had we not stumbled across some rolled up newspapers, clothes, and empty bottles of Mad Dog. They were very quiet and kept reasonable hours. Truth be told, were it not for the lack of permission, failure to chip in towards rent, and unwillingness to share their booze, they were the perfect 5th roommate.

But then there are the crazy/aggressive homeless people. The ones that live outside Dunkin Donuts in Chicago and yell at you and demand you give them your change or buy them a bagel. Nothing will stop them from their squatting in that location, no matter how much you wave them away, ignore them, or discourage them from setting up shop, they will come back, because they know a good thing when they see it. You are on their streets. They are entitled. Our squirrels are those homeless people.

This is MY house, fat lady. Noticed you packed on a few lately. How 'bout taking a walk around the block and bringing me back a zagnut?

They are in a beautiful setting, found a house with some sagging siding where they can wriggle their way in and munch on the walls at 4:30 in the morning. I guess I cannot say I blame them for setting up shop and not wanting to leave. And much like the issue of homelessness, I can't find anyone with a viable solution to the squirrel problem. Perhaps I will hire a crazy homeless person to fight my squirrels. That would be an epic battle for sure, like Alien vs. Predator.

These are the ramblings of a woman that is currently restless and 5 days away from her due date. I am hungry and sleep deprived (though not for any of the reasons pregnant people are sleep deprived). Thankfully Dunkin Donuts is open.

When they say "mini watermelon"....

...I think they mean "full size watermelon that you bring to a picnic that feeds a family of 10".

I think that's a frisbee they are using there for scale.

Because there is nothing "mini" about this here watermelon. But if you do compare to this pic, you can see the difference in how she's hangin'.

So basically we are done here with the updates on Super's progress. Super is officially a legit baby, albeit a baby that is currently residing inside another human. I am assuming you all know what a real baby looks like, so no need to discuss that she now has baby fat and fingernails and fine baby hair and all that wonderful goodness. The phone tells me that she is now around the 7.25 pound range, and let's all just take a moment to pray that number is accurate. It also says that she is around 20 inches, though I tend to disagree with this dimension. From what I feel, this baby is all arms and legs, that happens to get hiccups about 5 times a day.

Dr. J estimates she could be anywhere from 6 to 9 pounds. Way to really dial that one in for me. I resisted the urge to use the ol' "gun to your head, how much would you say this baby weighs?" line on him during the last check-up. While Rick always seems to come up with answers for me when I use this particular question phrasing, I think I should probably take it easy on the man that will be bringing our child into this world and stay away from lines that could potentially be interpreted as threats. I'll save those for the delivery room.

Success!

Mom and Rick had both been telling me, but I refused to get my hopes up that it was true. Super has officially dropped (a bit, nothing crazy) and I am 1.5 cm dilated! I had noticed that I had felt less pain from my bra digging into my ribcage while being crushed between my super-high belly and my massive loaners, but again, I didn't want to get ahead of myself.

So in the ever changing world of delivery discussions with Dr. J, we went from induction talk last week, back to contraction talk this week. If nothing happens before 5/19, we will go in for our induction on 5/23. But now there's a possibility that she could come at any time! I still haven't really felt a contraction, which I like to think is because I am the Chuck Norris of pregnancy (Rick's going to need a samurai sword to cut the umbilical cord....too much?). In reality, I will probably beg Rick for a shot of tequila, dial 911, and collapse in a heap the first time I actually feel something, but until then....

Rick's fatherly spidey sense must be acting up because he got to the hospital early yesterday to map out his walking route to the labor and delivery floor...

This way to birth your babies!

Reception (though I have already pre-registered)

And the place all my family members will choose to ignore my entire stay in the hospital.

Rick also found the cafeteria and some shortcut route from one area of the hospital to another. I am choosing not to focus on any concerns I might have about the security of a hospital that allowed a swarthy young man with no pregnant woman with him to roam about the delivery floor taking pictures. Instead, I will focus on the fact that we have 8 more days until Super is scheduled to get here. To quote Rick's most often repeated phrase of late, "I want my baby."

Celebrate Diversity

We are neck deep in fun spring changes here at Casa de Erwin. After a few hard freezes and late snowfalls, I again thought Steven the Frog was a goner, but alas he was spotted thriving a few days ago:

He's even spruced up his pad with some azalea flowers that fell through the grate. It really adds a nice touch. GB would approve.

And not to be denied their fair share of attention, the mf-ing squirrels are out in FULL force this year. I will take this time to remind you that it's really hard to "un-see" something. And watching these two race around in what I imagine to be a squirrel mating ritual RIGHT ON OUR WINDOW SCREEN is something that will terrify me for a long time. I look forward to the babies they will undoubtedly birth in our walls...

....that will then be killed by this man. It's a regular circle of life lesson over here. Someone call Disney (and no one call the City of Webster Groves to complain about this semi-automatic pellet gun-we're pretty sure it's harmless).

Rick's not just handy in the ways of the gun, he's also handy with any and all electronics and spent lunch on Sunday teaching our niece Chase all about the iPhone. She's got seven teeth now!

We spent Mother's day lunching with the Erwin family and then dining with the Loyd/Harkins/Hagemann clan that evening. I celebrated "Other's Day" since I don't fully meet the criteria for motherhood according to some (though I believe Super would disagree, and I feel pretty solidly in the "motherly way" these days). Rick and Super got me a very sweet card that made me cry. Of course, everything makes me cry.

The afternoon was spent by the pool playing with a nail polish kit that supposed to be for GB, Parker and Chloe, but Shisha, David and I hogged them for most of the afternoon.

David, further proving his diversity by spending every bit of two hours painting Shisha's fingernails with ornate detail. He would take brief breaks to refuel on the homemade chocolate bread he brought over. He's very secure in his manhood. We're trying our best to break him of this security. Stay strong, brother.

To further demonstrate the diversity of our family, you will notice that both Stella Artois and King Cobra are being consumed in this photo. Just out of the shot was the bottle of Absinthe. Possible legal ramifications prevent me from confirming if that is or is not a true statement.

Lucky Girl

I keep getting reminded how lucky I am these days. I am blessed with a perfectly average pregnancy, I am at 38 weeks and have no trouble sleeping, I have a husband that takes excellent care of me and makes me belly laugh multiple times daily, and a family that I wouldn't trade for all the gold in China (as a certain someone in said family would say). I was also lucky to spend my 35th birthday with some of my most favorite people....

Parker even let Rick take this picture on my special day. As if this was not enough, she even made me a book/card which had multiple poems, pages, and drawings...

Look who, at the ripe age of 9, has a firm grasp on the "you're" issue.

And as if the card book was not enough, I also received this gift from Parker, which made my heart hurt. I am secure in the knowledge that for the rest of my life, I will have at least $5, because I am never, ever, spending this. It's brilliant financial planning.

This card is from Chloe. Thanks to her amazing attention to detail, the card was equipped with hidden pockets with secret messages and pop-up babies. Again, with the heart hurting and sweet notes from my beautiful nieces....

And just when I started to feel like I was uncomfortable and ready for this baby to come out, I get this (also from Chloe):

So, so lucky.

Non-birth day

Happy birthday to my sweet momski, GB. I hope you have a wonderful day! Happy birthday to my Aunt Kate as well, since it's her birthday too. That's how twins work. Now you know.

In honor of your birthday, Super has decided to not be born today. It's enough that you have to share your birthday with so many people already. In fact, based on the discomfort I experienced today during my exam, I think she is directionally challenged and is retreating up into my neck. Because she was playing "hard to reach", we did get to have another ultrasound, which gave us a clear view of the back of her head. Based on what we saw, I don't think we are going to have to spend a lot of money on shampoo and hot oil treatments for a while.

Pre-Birthday Bash

As most of you know, May is a very popular month for birthdays in our family. My mom and her twin sister celebrate on the 3rd, my birthday is the 4th, cousin David is the 8th, and Super will (barring some sort of bizarre delay, which will NOT make me happy) be born in May as well. This year marks my Mom's 65th birthday and my 35th birthday, which were apparently deemed worthy of EXTRA celebration. Plus, thanks to the looming addition, this is the first time in about 5 years that Mom and I have been in the same town, so they figured we best do it up right.

To make sure no one missed out on the festivities, brother Patrick/Uncle Happy flew in to surprise me. I was thrilled to get to see him at the end of my pregnancy. Far be it from me to deny him the ammo for future ridicule regarding my current size. He was merciful now, though I am not so naive to think that he doesn't have an arsenal prepared for future use. There was also a small family pool celebration on Saturday followed by dinner at Ruth's Chris, which was delicious and a HUGE treat. Parker and Chloe even got to come!

This is Parker's slick new 'do.

The girls, Uncle Happy, and Dan, all enjoying their special cocktails...

Because this baby is like having my stomach stapled, I had plenty of steak left over....

....with a little room left for CAKE! This was a turtle ice cream cake, which was phenomenal.

The girls got in lots of time harassing Uncle Happy, which is always amusing to watch. He's such a skilled tormenter that he can take on both of them one handed and keep his drink in the other.

It was a great celebration and it's not even our birthdays yet! Thank you, GB and Bigs, for a wonderfully special weekend. I loved every second of it and it meant the world to me to have us all together. I am also content with Patrick's visit being the only surprise I experience in the month of May...