The Time I Almost Killed Us at the Movies

 

 

 

 

Annie has been watching Monster's Inc. for a few months and she's way into it, so we figured it was a no-brainer to take her to see Monster's University when it came out. We stocked up on provisions prior to our show time (second attempt, it was sold out for the Saturday afternoon show) on sunday morning, 10:05 to be precise.

 

We hit the ground running on the candy consumption. Raisinets (this will look wrong no matter how you spell it) for Rick (because they are healthy he says), Mike and Ikes for me (because this is all baby Boom wants during this pregnancy) and Red Vines for Annie.

 

After about half a bag of red vines, and hardly making it through the previews, Annie decided she wanted my Mike and Ikes, so I shared. We blazed through that box in 30 minutes. We still had about an hour to go in the movie and Annie was screaming "MORE PEESH!" and clawing her way across my torso trying to grab the empty box. Rick retreated to purchase more candy.

 

He returned with an additional (larger) box of Mike and Ikes and a small bag of popcorn. Annie and I shared this box again, as well as the popcorn. By some miracle we didn't finish the entire box, mainly because Annie kept getting distracted by funky dance beats in the movie and getting up to bust a move. It would take her about 5 minutes to recall there was candy in the vicinity but then she was back with a vengeance.

 

I didn't really realize what damage we had done until the movie was over, my head was buzzing like I had just inhaled an tank of helium (or nitrous) and Annie's eyes were darting one way and her head the other. When you see your child behaving like a deranged meth head, you realize perhaps you should have scaled back on the candy distribution.

 

We crashed that afternoon, then Annie proceeded to crap her way through the evening. The carnage was visible in the diaper shrapnel. Apparently red vines are the corn of the candy world. Who knew?

 

I have noticed I have felt like crap for the past few weeks and it has to be food related. Or at least that's my working theory. So I am making a vow to try harder. To make at least two new things a week and that Annie WILL TRY NEW THINGS. I have sent out a beacon on facebook and already have some good responses. Cookbooks will be purchased. I will buy fresh produce. My oven will be turned on and I will sweat like Paula Dean's publicist because our kitchen is so small and our AC barely works in there, but this will happen.

 

I will post reviews of my efforts here. And then maybe this buzzing in my head will stop.



Bow Mom

When I first had Annie, I recall someone asking me if I was a "Bow Mom". I had to think about it for a bit and then I responded that I didn't think so. I have nothing against bows in general, but I think having grown up in the South, I might have been holding on to a bit of stubbornness about something I see as kind of a southern thang.

 

But then the hair started coming in.

 

And then it got curly.

 

And then people started telling me how handsome my son was.



 

And I started pulling this creature out of her crib every morning:

 

And then I realized that this was probably one of those things that if I didn't start early, it would get progressively more difficult as Annie got older. Like getting her to eat vegetables. Though I am not too proud to admit that I probably work harder to get those bows (or "boats", as she calls them) into her hair than I do to get her to eat her veggies. There's only so many battles you can fight in one day.

 

 

I equate the bow application/hair taming process to trying to put nail polish a feral cat's claws. You have to be fast, it's dangerous, and more times than not, it's a real mess. And at least one person is crying at the end of it. It requires spraying Annie down with water, which is not a fun thing for anyone first thing in the morning. Then we detangle, and I let her get good and distracted by her breakfast and whatever show I have running on the tube and then I start wrangling the cat/hair. 

 

Since I am still perfecting the art of doing someone else's hair, particularly someone who is doing the "bob and weave" during my effort, getting the rubber band in place takes at least two tries. Getting the boat in is the easy part as, at the end of the day, Annie does love her a good boat. 

 



 

But I think we can all agree that the end result is worth it. I guess I am a Bow Mom after all.

Ricker Funnies

I like to think I am the funny one in my marriage, but there are times when my husband cracks me up. I would like to present a few of those examples because I need something to flash back on in the moments where my pregnancy induced hormones make me want to put him in a choke hold. In the first one, I don't think he was trying to be funny. He was actually quite serious, but I found his level of seriousness to be funny, so it counts.

Scene: Rick came home from work last night. Annie was running around the house with a bug-shaped pool tube around her waist and drinking a juice box. Note: she doesn't drink juice boxes. She just doesn't like juice. The boxes were left over from her birthday party. I digress.

Rick (to Annie): Hey Annie! You're drinking a juice box! Do you like it?
(zero mention of the strange flotation device around her waist)
Rick (to me): So she's drinking the juice boxes now? I thought those were mine.

Scene: Me folding laundry while Rick changes Annie's clothes and she freaks out about changing out of her princess pajamas into "regular" clothes.

Rick: I've found a good way to distract her when she's getting upset about the clothes thing is to press on one of her boo-boos.

I laughed so hard at that one I didn't get a chance to follow up to see if he was kidding.

Scene: Discussing one of the legal issues the museum is facing and how one of the people has hired a local attorney/ambulance chaser that wears an eye patch in all his ads.

Rick: So they've decided to hire "B&B" as their attorney. Wonder if we'll see "the patch" in court?
Me: I doubt he sees many cases.
Rick: You're right. I bet he just sees half of them.

ba-dum-bum.

13 Weeks-Boom Bump Tuesdays, this time on Wednesday

Well folks, here we are again! I feel like I am just spitting these kids out left and right and that it was just yesterday I was typing "see ya later, first trimester!" when I was pregnant to the then referred to Super. And here we are, almost three years later, going through all of this again. I am actually more shocked that I have kept up with this blog for this long than I am that I am pregnant again. In some ways, keeping up with the blog seems like more work.

 

This go-round I will spare you the size comparison to various exotic and not-exotic types of fruit and veggies that will likely never darken the door of my family's home because my child refuses to eat anything other than grapes, yogurt, and peanut butter. I might try to work in a reference to the size of my belly, because let's face it, that's all you freaks really want to know. How big will she get this time? Will she be in total denial again of the fact that she is 1 measly pound shy of 200 el bees by the end of her pregnancy? Will she be so far in denial that she will try to put on her post pregnancy jeans, certain that they will fit, only one week after the baby is born, only to find a 12-inch gap between button and hole?

 

Time will tell.  I would like to say HELL NO! No I will not be in denial. No I will not gain 40 pounds. Blah blah blah. But let's be honest....the pregnancy brain and the pregnancy stomach/appetite are not to be messed with. Far be it from me to deny my precious unborn baby what it wants. What it NEEDS. I am pretty sure that would make me a bad Mom to sweet, innocent Boom.

 



 

 

So here we go. I have decided to provide you with a change of venue this year. Instead of my bedroom, we have now switched to the bathroom at work. The second child really does get the shaft. Here's Boom at 13 weeks. Out of the first trimester and coasting into the "more comfortable" zone. Since my lady parts are apparently ancient and I get reminded of this at every bi-weekly doctor's visit, I don't think I will rest easy until Boom is out, but Dr J assures me that the risks of things going wrong goes significantly down after this point. Whew.

 

The internets tell me Boom is about the size of a lemon. As you can tell, that's the world's largest lemon in that there photo above. I would say I am roughly the size of a 2/3 deflated basket ball right now. I can still wear my regular pants, but most cannot be buttoned. I would try to compare pics of me when I was pregnant with Annie, but I don't think I even bothered with photos until I was like 20 weeks along because I was barely showing. Ah, the joys of the second pregnancy.

 

Ok, I just went and looked back, and my first pic wasn't until 23 WEEKS! And I look almost exactly like I do in the above pic.

 

OH well. It seems to be a universal phenomenon so at least I have millions of women to commiserate with. In the meantime, let's try to keep the "holy cow, are you sure there's only one baby in there!?!" comments to a minimum.

 



The End of an Era: A Binkie Story

 

I knew this moment would come. I had actually feared it from the second I popped that binkie in Annie's mouth when she was 5 days old and silence ensued. I think we were addicted just as much as she. I heard stories of Binkie Fairies and cold turkey and I would start to sweat and shake and visions of sleepless nights and hollering toddlers raced through my head.

 

 

When Annie's first birthday approached, we discussed ditching the binkie, but then almost immediately reversed our decision because she was still a baby. Plus, she was such a good sleeper and I was still so obsessed with getting a full night's sleep that I used the "she's a baby" excuse to plop that thing in her mouth day after day. And lest those of you that have never been through this feel the urge to judge, imagine someone telling you that a task will result in you getting minimal sleep and enormous headaches for probably a week. You'd probably put off the process a bit as well.

 

 

But then the second birthday approached, and we started noticing that we would ask her to take the binkie out so we could understand her. And though she's our baby, she's much less of a baby and it just started to feel like it was time.



 

I am actually shocked I had this picture. Apparently we weren't as good as we thought about keeping the binkie to the bed. Though I seem to recall this was a special circumstance where we were trying anything to get her to sit still.

Eventually we were down to two infant binkies: one blue and one orange. All other binkies had evaporated to where ever binkies, chapsticks, and socks disappear to.

And then this happened and I figured this was a sign from God that the party was over.

 

No, the binkie was no longer being used for its original purpose. It was now a choking hazard disguised as a chew toy. I snipped off the rough edges and left basically enough so she could grasp it with her teeth, but that was it.

 

It was a rough few nights starting last Sunday (6/2, for recordkeeping purposes). It took her about an hour to fall asleep, but since the integrity of the binks had been  compromised for some time, I think she couldn't quite pinpoint the source of her issues. There have been a few missed naps, a few meltdowns, but I watched her fall asleep the other day without it and I think we have officially turned a corner.

 

 

 

Today on the way to Jen's this morning she asked for it and I reminded her that it's broken. She said "I hold it". And she held it in her hand all the way to Jen's. So she's not really ready to give it away just yet, and since I started crying typing that, it seems I am not either. Baby steps, people.

Back Story

So one of the main reasons I announced the pregnancy a bit early is because the pregnancy was announced to the world on Tuesday via a Wall Street Journal article. I received exactly one text from a friend that actually reads the paper (online I am guessing). To speed things along, and to see who reads for meaning, I also posted a link to the article on facebook. I figured this would be an interesting experiment because my dear Ricker "read" the article and didn't pick up on the fact that it mentioned we were expecting baby #2. I also wanted to see if ANYONE would actually read an article on Fertility and Advanced Maternal Age on facebook.

I guess they showed me.

So then I was outed and it was fun that Boom's announcement was via the Wall Street Journal.

How did we end up in the WSJ, you ask? Well, it's because I am a total loud mouth on the internet. Shocking, I know. Sumathi Reddi wrote an article about how playgrounds were "too safe" and highlighted spaces across the country that were bucking this trend. Because I never miss an opportunity to pimp out my husband, I sent her an email that kindly pointed out that she missed out on mentioning the coolest playground in the history of playgrounds: City Museum.

Ms. Reddi was kind enough to respond and clarified that she was focusing on free/public spaces but said that I wasn't the only one to bring this to her attention. From that point on, I was on her mailing list of potential sources for stories she was working on. When I received the email asking if anyone had a doctor that was up front and honest with them about fertility issues/pregnancy risk that increased with age, I responded and told her my story. The rest, is history.

But it didn't stop there.

Apparently 6/3 was a slow news day, because I was contacted that afternoon via facebook by the booking producer for The Today Show. The message stated that they had seen the WSJ article and wanted to do a piece on me/Annie. She also mentioned that they could come to us, immediately dashing my images of the three of us jetting off to NYC to hang with Matt and Samantha. And Al too, but maybe mostly just Matt. And Samantha.

I responded to the facebook message with skepticism and requesting she verify who she said she was. I was convinced that this person was just trolling for our address so they could come by and swipe me, Annie, or Boom. Or all three of us. The pregnant mind can go to some dark places, yo. But then Sumathi confirmed that she had been contacted as well and it was legit.

I gave them my number and by 3:45 that afternoon we were making arrangements for them to be at the house by 5:30-6. They wanted "slice of life" images, that I shouldn't be too dolled up and it was ok if the house was not spotless. As I had been out in the field all day, was covered in dirt and had the world's worst farmer's BURN, I knew I could deliver slice of life with a heaping scoop of "is this woman fit to care for herself AND two children?" but that didn't keep me from trying to appear normal. I had no time to go to the store, so America was about to see me feeding Annie veggie corn dogs, canned green beans, and yogurt. I could already hear the online comments in my head. Maybe if she stayed home, everything wouldn't be from a can/box." "Maybe if she hadn't waited so long to have kids, she wouldn't be so tired."

But then the one logical part of my brain that isn't consumed by this pregnancy (imagine the size of a pencil eraser) reminded me that I suck at cooking, and I have always been tired, and if America wants Annie to have homemade dinners every night, they are more than welcome to bring that shiz by so Momma can get her beauty rest.

And then all that went out the window because they didn't show up until 7. I don't think I will go too much more into the experience because it's still a little fresh and I don't want to seem ungrateful for the opportunity. Let's just say toddlers+camera crews+past bedtimes+unfed pregnant woman=horror.

Ho-RROR.

But, my big pregnant pie face and my beautiful family was on national television and a very important time in our lives was shared with a LOT of people, so I'd say that makes it all worth it.

You can check out the segment here.

And we shall call it....

BOOM!

 

 

 

Yes, ladies and gents, we have been keeping a bit of a secret over here. And we haven't been keeping it well, because if you know us even slightly in real life, you have known for quite some time that we are expecting baby #2. I am about 12.5 weeks along and she/he is due 12/17. To say we are excited is an understatement!

 

 

To answer the questions that I always seem to get when people receive the news:

 

1). I am feeling ok. Tired, a little nauseous (but that's getting better), irritable, and generally out of it. The last one being the main reason I haven't posted much. I just can't seem to put a coherent thought together. That, in addition to the fact that all amusing tales of the past 12 weeks have an element of the pregnancy in them, leads to radio silence.

 

2) Yes, this was planned. Very planned, actually. Since I met my deductible by the end of January, I figured this was the perfect time (financially) to go for it. I told Rick we had a 3 month window to have this baby FOR FREE (well, not really) so we hopped to it. Needless to say, this baby WILL COME in this calendar year. Momma ain't paying two deductibles! And in my heart I knew I always wanted to at least try for a sibling for Annie.

 

3) Yes, we will be finding out the gender. I know, I know, there are so few good surprises left in this world, and I totally agree. We just get our surprise a bit earlier. And when you are going to be jamming two kids into one room and you will need to purge massively if this baby is of the male persuasion, getting this information up front is key. And Rick can't handle not-knowing.

 

4) If I had to guess, I would say Boom is a boy, which would be a minor miracle in our family of xx chromosomes, but time will tell. Obviously we would be thrilled either way.

 

5) If it's a boy, we will likely be telling the name since we pretty much told people what Annie's boy name was after she was born.

 

6) No, I am not showing yet. Unless by "showing" you mean I look like I have had a boob job and like my face exploded 10x it's normal size, in which case, then yes, I am showing. 

 

I think that about covers it! I will try to do weekly Boom updates on Tuesdays this go-round since that's our official "new week" day. Time will tell if I am as regular about it as I was the first go-round.

 

BOOM!