I would like to say here that this is not going to be a very pro-natural childbirth post. More power to the women that were able to pull that shiz off, but I am NOT ONE OF THEM. I would never go to the dentist and have a procedure without novocaine. I know it's not necessarily apples to apples, but I am of the mind that if there is something that makes things less painful, it should be brought quickly in my direction.
My memory of the whole event is somewhat skewed by my adoration of my baby girl, but I will try to be as honest as possible. The IV hurt like a bitch, and I was annoyed by the little heart rate monitor they had on my finger. It sucked to not be able to eat, but my body had saved up an entire pregnancy worth of heart burn for that very moment, so eating wasn't high on my list of priorities. The constant checking of the baby's position is invasive and uncomfortable and is a bit pinchy, for lack of a better term.
Like an idiot, I wanted to see how the contractions felt (mistakenly thinking I might be able to go without drugs). Let's just say there's a reason so many women opt for the epidural. Imagine the worst gas pains and cramps you have ever had, except the gas bubbles feel as if they are full of white hot lava that is slowly filling your lower extremities. Rinse and repeat.
My advice is to order the epidural about 30 minutes before you think you are going to need it. After that, things got much better and all the checking, poking, and prodding didn't bother me one bit. I was able to rest (not sleep) and regroup. I was worried about the catheter, but with the epidural, you really can't feel a thing. I guess the down-side is that you can't really move around much after you get it, but you will feel so great, this won't matter. Some people worry about the administration of the epidural itself, but I just felt a little pinch and kept my eye on the prize that was relief from my crazy lava gas pains. Highly recommended.
I don't know if I am just dense or have no forethought, but I honestly hadn't dwelled too much on the physical act of pushing a baby out of my vajeen. I had seen Chaney do it and it seemed manageable. That is, right up until Dr. J told me to start pushing. I nearly broke down at that point. I remember the tears welling up in my eyes and developing a serious lump in my throat. I remember being terrified of all the unknowns that were about to become very, very real and the absolute hugeness of the coming moments. Thankfully, the doctors and nurses don't give you a lot of time to dwell on those pesky little issues and it was time to get to work.
As I posted in my birth story, my pushing went fairly quickly. The physical act of birth was probably the easiest part of it all. I delivered the placenta (sorry to any males reading this) fairly quickly and didn't really even feel that happen. I was pretty worried about Annie during all of this and wasn't really sure what was happening. I know I got a few stitches and they removed the catheter and all that good stuff. Again, felt nothing.
After the epidural wears off is when things get real. Dad, Patrick, Mr. Erwin, you might want to stop reading now. There is lots and lots of bleeding. This can keep up to some extent for as long as 6 weeks. There is passing of blood clots. These are not your run of the mill clots. Like, I thought part of my insides had fallen out. My nurse confidently informed me that they don't worry about clots unless they are larger than an egg. Mine appeared to be the exact size of an egg. A clot the size of an egg. No big deal. There are ice packs on your lower business and lactation consultants on your upper business. Most people have their babies in the room with them to offset the obsessing about the bizarre state of your body, but I didn't have that luxury. The checking of the state of your baby-maker does not stop with the birth of the child. I recommend being very clear about when you want visitors and who you want to visit.
Don't be a hero about the medications. Stay on top of it and you will be fine. Since KK has stayed in shape, I don't think she will have any problems. It really is one of the most crazy and miraculous (I had to say it) experiences I have ever had. Any by far, the most rewarding. I would do it 1,000 times over to get our sweet Annie.
Just have Dave watch the bumps on the ride home.
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