Changed

I used to love horror movies. They were my go-to movie of choice, particularly on gloomy days when I was hung over in college. That love continued right up until the past year when I was pregnant with Annie. I have tried to watch "The Crazies" three times and had to keep changing the channel. I probably would have found this zombie flick humorous a year ago, but I found myself holding my breath and feeling sick to my stomach. Over zombies. Because that's an immediate concern in my life.

I have tried to figure out what caused the change, and all I can think of is that before Annie came along, I wasn't really ever scared of anything. Or at least scared of anything happening to me. Now with Annie on the scene, I worry about her, I worry about Rick and me. I get scared carrying her down the stairs. I worry when she sleeps. Lots of fear and worry. So I think watching a movie that makes me more scared just puts me over the edge.

I remember watching footage of 9/11 ten years ago, and I remember being sad and furious, but I was never really afraid. I rewatched the footage this morning of the two burning towers with Annie sitting on my lap and I felt that familiar churn in my stomach and urge to turn off the TV. It was a horror movie. Exept it was real. And I was scared. Those buildings and planes were filled with someone's Annie or someone's Rick. I wanted to watch and honor those that died on that day, but I had to turn it off.

Maybe I was selfish or naive 10 years ago, but it all really hit home for me today. I cannot imagine the loss or the grief those families experienced on that day and every day since. I think of Chaney who was 9 months pregnant on that day and the worry she must have felt for her baby that was about to come into a world where there are people that are capable of such evil.

What I have learned today is that there is enough scary stuff in the world that you don't need horror movies to freak you out. I am thankful to live in a country that is strong enough to take some of that fear away.