Talk Me Down

This parenting thing is hard stuff. Turns out all those people that were whining about being busy and stressed and blahblahblah (that's what I heard pre-Annie) weren't just being wimps. While I contend that there are still some people that dramaticize how busy/difficult the whole thing is, it is by no means easy. And we have an "easy" baby. I can actually handle the day to day scheduling and actual baby-tending, it is the act of parenting that can get me in a tizzy.

Enter last night's freak out session, starring yours truly, regarding Annie's first birthday. I am feeling very torn between wanting something small, sweet, and simple for her birthday and then also seeing all this nonsense on Pinterest where babies have tables of tulle, ribbons, sky-high cakes, and themes for their first birthday. I want Annie to have the best, but I also don't want her to be some demanding nightmare of a kid where each birthday has to top the next. And I keep telling myself that parties like the ones in Pinterest are more for the adults than they are for the kids, but still...there's this pressure.

And then there's the reality that I am not a Pinterest Party person. Annie is lucky that I take the time to chop her lunch of pineapples and chicken into safe-sized chunks when she goes to Jen's. Heck, the fact that I have even prepared ahead to have pineapples and chicken is a testament to how much I love this sweet little baby of ours. And the fact that she has it almost every day shows that I am not the world's most creative person. So making a multi-layered cake with fondant and party favors that match the theme of the party....I just broke out in a cold sweat thinking about it. But I hate that Annie won't have all that stuff because of her mother's stupid creative limitations. It's quite possible that I am setting Annie up for an Angela's Ashes-esque existence because her deadbeat Mom can't even tie a proper bow.

But then I remind myself that Annie doesn't need any of that stuff. Heck, she doesn't even know it exists. And I feel very strongly that she can have a very happy, fulfilled life even if she doesn't have a ton of stuff. So maybe my limitations are a good thing? Heck, she doesn't even play with the toys she has, so that's self-regulating simplicity right there. And it's been my experience that if you raise the bar for kids, there's no real going back. I have yet to hear a kid say "Thanks Mom and Dad for that awesome motorized car for my fifth birthday. You can just give me tape and pencils for the next ten years. That will be just as cool." I think quite the opposite tends to be true. The more they get, the more the expect. And as I said before, I am just not down with that. But I also don't want her to feel deprived.

Can you tell I am going crazy?

And poor, poor Ricker. He had to listen to me cry (actual tears) last night about how I feel like I suck as a Mom because I can't find Annie the perfect birthday outfit. Then, about 20 minutes later, I cried again (more actual real tears) because what kind of person cries about a perfect birthday outfit when there are people out there with legit problems and I am clearly a selfish, materialistic twit.

So, yeah, parenting is hard. And so is tying a bow. I pray for the wisdom to be able to focus on the one that is more important.