Friday, January 4, 2013

You are doing it wrong

You always hear people say "kids don't come with a manual". And to this I say:

WHY THE EFF NOT?????

I understand every kid is different and yadayada, but they all go through similar things for the most part. They all have to start eating solid foods, they all have to poop on the potty (unless you are in a third world country), they all have to learn to sleep through the night eventually.

And hey, if your kid isn't a bona fide binkie addict or you live in a country without running water, then skip the chapters on the Binkie Fairy or potty training. Problem solved. If one of you could get on this, I would greatly appreciate it.

Annie is VERY interested in the potty. I originally took this as a sign she was ready to start potty training, so we rushed out and got her a potty that she could mount on her own. We have a special seat on the toilet, but it's high up and cold and usually results in her running her fingers around the interior of the seat. Soooo, since I am not currently in the market for a bout with e coli....kiddie potty it is.

And she was excited about it at first. She would run around saying "Dotty" and "poop" and we would take her diaper off and sit on the Dotty/potty.

And she would get up.

So we would give her a book.


And she would still get up. But her pants would be around her ankles and she would shuffle out of the bathroom and eventually fall, and demand her pants be taken off.


So the pants come off.

And then she realizes that she would really be comfortable without that pesky shirt on and starts pulling and yelling "OFF!" to the shirt. Everyone knows you need to really be free of all clothing to do your business properly. No?

So the shirt comes off.

And back on the Dotty she goes. But now she's so excited because she's naked and it's not even bath time, so she's up and running around the house with two very anxious parents in tow, with towels at the ready for will surely be an epic accident.

Efforts are made to corral back to the Dotty but, hell, that thing is so 74 seconds ago. She wants to roll on the carpet in the buff and crawl in your freshly washed sheets, daring you to remove her as she will surely leak something out in the extraction-inspired tantrum.

And so it goes. And we convince ourselves that it's probably too early for all of this and we should just table the issue for later.

Until she wakes up the next morning screaming for the Dotty again.

So if 25 years from now you see a 26 year old woman stripped nude in a bathroom stall flipping through the latest Baby Night-Night, just remember it's all because her Mom didn't have that manual.



4 comments:

  1. I think we should write a parents' manual together.

    I had no intentions of starting potty training until this summer, after Avery turned 2. But then at her 18 month Dr appt, her Dr said to get a potty and just have her sit on it before she gets in the bath and for me to sit on the regular toilet too. So we got her the Elmo potty for Christmas and made a big deal about it when she opened it. We do what the Dr said, letting her sit on it before bath or bed, and now anytime she asks. She actually goes about 50% of the time. I think I will take off work a Friday and Monday and hunker down for a weekend of potty training some time in the near future.
    As nice as it will be to not have to change diapers,if I remember correctly from my youngest brother, there is still butt wiping for years to come. (and truth be told, I wouldn't be surprised if my mom still wiped my brothers' butts - haha! just kidding)
    Our girls are smart - they will get it when they are ready. And then will we get pregnant again and have a whole new person's butt to wipe and diaper to change ;-)

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  2. I love this for many, many reasons. Also, MC has to completely disrobe when she drops the deuce. She just turned 4. Enjoy.

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  3. Chase has switched to the "big girl panties" so be aware that some pull-ups are likely on your way soon. However, the big girl panties have seemingly prompted a bout of "run around the house in only underwear" pretty frequently--which oddly is exactly what Addy likes to do too--we're blaming this on Janice. So the naked thing...isn't going to go away.

    My doctor gave the same advice as Meg and that's when Chase started on the potty. I did however attempt the 3 day potty training method which gave us the basics but not the full on until recently. I'll search for our copy and bring you that manuel.

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  4. New follower here :) I know you from IG, you followed me on IG and vice versa after discussing my weight loss journey with Katie from Loves of Life... anyway, now that (hopefully) you can put 2 and 2 together... my daughter did the SAME thing! She was obsessed with the potty, we started potty training her and it was successful at first but quickly became discouraging because she was too young and she got over her infatuation quickly. She's 27 months old now and we're planning on starting again soon... my only advice, give yourself and your baby time. She's still young!

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