Five

Dear Annie,

You turned five a week ago today (when I first started this post, now it's over a month). It still seems odd to me because I can feel the weight of your baby body in my arms and occasionally get a hint of your baby morning breath as I carry you down the stairs in the morning. But, you are moving further and further away from being my baby. You no longer have baby fat, your legs have muscles and your arms are strong. But you still have a slight lisp with your "s" and "th" sounds, and for this I am eternally thankful, because it makes you still seem just a little bit little.

You are bright and happy and so, so, so incredibly sweet. You are aware of everything and everyone around you. If there is a child that is unattended, you immediately start looking for their mommy. If someone is crying, you try your best to take care of them and right any perceived wrong. You are funny and generous and wise and generally all the things I have always prayed you would be.

You are what teachers would call "active". No sitting still for long periods of time. I still haven't mastered sit down dinners with you, but we do our best. Mostly, you spend dinner tending to John's random needs, which is also very sweet. You are a wonderful big sister. You love to hold your brother's hand and were delighted the first time he said "I yuh you, Ahnnnie" (I love you, Annie). You cry when he is punished in any way (mostly when we have to take away his beloved Ninja Turtles toothbrush/sword) and always do your best to keep him out of trouble. You have even veered off from your interest in princesses to take part in his superhero play from time to time.

You are a true people person. Even strangers will remark on how happy and friendly you are and in an odd development, they will occasionally give you things for free. It has become not unusual for you to get a free dessert at a restaurant or, as was in the case in Miami, for the bartender (yes, we were sitting at a bar, don't judge, but it was a daiquiri bar, so it hardly counts) to hand you an entire bowl of strawberries when he noticed you were eating everyone else's.

You are John still share a room and your beds are about 18 inches apart. And while you talk of wanting your own room, I know you love being close to him. Every night we play "Princesses and Superheroes" where someone has a princess or superhero in their head and the others try to guess which one. You still love to have your back tickled and are an aggressive snuggler. You are afraid there's a monster in your closet and don't like us to close the door to your room when you sleep, but often blame it on John needing the extra light.

Twenty years from now I want to remember how you say "Is I'm" instead of "Am I", how you optimistically ask for candy every morning, how you love to draw and play with play-doh, how there's no hiding anything from you any more and you want us to "tell me the truth, really", how you always refer to God with female pronouns, how you just now started playing with your Barbies and love throwing parties for them and getting your new Barbie house just right, only for John to wreck it. And though I get frustrated when you say you need me for things that I know in my heart you can really do on your own, I need to remember that there will come a time when you don't call out for me any more. Regardless of if it is today or thirty years from now, I will all ways come when you need me.


I love you, sweet girl,
Mom